FriendShip..!!!

Read this words carefully ...

Friendship is an in-depth, relaxed relationship..!!!

It is an in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy, and intimacy.

These are certainly aspects of life that all of us crave.
Being able to trust and relax with your friend is a big part of friendship.

Remember when you were young and went with a friend to her grandma's for the week-end. It was fun but when you got home, home was wonderful. Your feeling was "I'm home. I can relax now."
That's what a friendship should be.
You go out into the world and do your best. You have your ups and downs, your problems and triumphs, your fun and tribulations. You charm and you perform.
Then you come "home" to a friend. You can relax, put up your feet; you are relieved. If you still have to be charming and/or performing, it's not a relief.


Friendship is a comfy situation like home. You get home, kick off your shoes, relax and sigh, "Ahh, home."
But no one can form a friendship until he/she realizes that the basis of being friends is meeting the needs of the other person. One must be a friend to have one.
Never forget that friends relate. Relating is the basis of friendship.

Building Friendships from Casual Friends

In most cases, the transition from acquaintance to friendship occurs gradually. We reach out to offer friendship by offering a potential friend caring, listening, talking, sharing, accepting, and affirming. It takes time and effort to build a friendship. They are built slowly, slowly, slowly...

Yet, nothing can add more to your life than having truly intimate friends. "Just friends" is a goal worth pursuing!

Friendships can take up to three years to build! And building friendships is much the same for children as adults, but a bit quicker!


Self-Disclosure builds friendships.

Self-disclosure is usually the first step in establishing a confidant. And it is scary because of the potential rejection factor. Do it anyway!
Start by sharing a few private thoughts and/or feelings with one person you might want for a close friend. If the person is responsive, he/she will usually share a personal thought or two with you.

If he/she is not responsive to your overtures, don't think of this as a rejection.People may be non-responsive for reasons of their own or merely as a perception of yours. Nevertheless, they can't be rejecting you because they don't even know you yet.

Listening and acknowledging builds friendships.

Often when your child, lover/partner, or friend tells you a story or voices a complaint, he/she is just asking for acknowledgment.

This does not mean that he/she wants agreement or compliance; it merely indicates a desire to be heard and understood.
Try these three steps to acknowledgment:

1. Repeat back.
2. Don't invalidate.
3. Don't try to change.
4. Don't problem solve.

Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view. For more information about acknowledgement, click here.

Listening and attending builds friendships.

Paying attention to someone is called "attending." It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at one time. Attending is a very important part of any relationship. It includes:

1. Being there physically
2. Focusing
3. Eye contact

Talking Is a Primary Building Block of Friendships.

Talking is an integral component of friendship.
When a friend talks and reveals ideas or feelings, he/she is expecting shared information in return. When the talk is not equal, the person talking feels as if the listener is uninterested.

In fact, the person who is always the listener is really playing the role of a counselor, not a friend. Anytime you have been talking for more than a minute or two without participation from the person you are talking to, you are lecturing, bossing, or putting that person in the role of a counselor.

Maintaining friendship

Best friends require one-on-one contact to survive. Telephone calls and getting together are musts for best friends to continue.
In fact, probably the quickest way to end a friendship is to neglect it and sever contact.

Yet it is hard to make time in a busy day and busy life to maintain our friends. But you don't have to have hours to spare to maintain a friendship.

Instead try the following to keep from neglecting your friends:

• Send frequent email. Email is a boon for a quick note.

• Call once a week. Telephone calls do not take long.

• Keep in touch through brief messages left on answering machines.

• Send an occasional card. Funny and/or appropriate cards take minutes to
choose and address.

• Exercise together. We all have to exercise. It is more fun with a friend,
plus, there is no better place for talking than a walk in the park.

• Clean house together. This is another must do and two makes cleaning fun
instead of boring.

• Send pictures. A picture is still worth a thousand words.

• Go to lunch at least once a month. More often would be better.

Follow the advice of Victoria Rayner, author of The Survival Guide for
Today's Career Woman:

• Be a good listener; refrain from offering advice or moralizing.

• Respect your friend's point of view. Different personalities can complement
each other; it isn't always necessary to see eye to eye.

• Never betray a trust. Trust, when violated, can ruin even the best
friendship.

• Support and praise your friends; ignore their failures and imperfections.

• Never resent a friend's success. Instead, strive to admire her
achievements.

Flexibility is always important for maintaining friendships. Be understanding when your friend has a last minute change in plans. Learn to accept "I'm sorry to cancel, but we will have another time together Sunday."

Friends Are Equal

In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, but 50/50 over the long haul.

Dr. Joyce Brothers opined that a healthy friendship is like a seesaw. One person isn't always dominant and the other person isn't always submissive. In any relationship, whether it's friendship, parent/child, or marriage, at some time one is more dominant than the other, but it evens out in the end.

Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow. Don't walk behind me, I might not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend.
Author Unknown

Jim Simmons, M.A., says, "All relationships, including friendship, involve a balance of power. When one friend grows, it upsets the balance. The other friend is forced toward growth.
"If that other friend refuses to grow, one of two things will happen. The friendship will end, or it will become stagnant (dead)."

Anytime there is a perceived inequality or imbalance, the door is open for jealousy. Yet jealousy has no place in a friendship.

Anytime you have jealous feelings in a friendship, ask yourself three questions:

1. Do I need to feel jealous about this?
2. Don't I have a choice here?
3. What does she/he have that is more important than our friendship?

You have actually chosen to be who and what you are. Therefore, there is no reason to be jealous of anyone. Once you have answered these three questions, you will probably realize nothing is more important than your friendship.

The Friendship Factor How to get closer to the people you care for ..by Alan Loy McGionnis

We all know people who have countless friends. What is their secret?

The author writes that at the heart of each relationship is the friendship factor and that factor is the essential ingredient of warmth and caring.
The author gives you five ways to deepen all of your relationships, five guidelines for cultivating intimacy, and two ways to handle negative emotions without destroying the relationship.

Best of all McGinnis tells you how to forgive and salvage a faltering friendship or other love relationship.
This small and short (only 191 pages) paperback is quite reasonably priced. It is an excellent book to buy and keep! Book review continued.

Book Review: Copyright © 1999 CyberParent. All rights reserved

Does Friendship Include Manipulation?

A friends does not manipulate you and you do not use manipulation with your friends.
If you think you could be guilty of manipulation or feel a friend is manipulating

you, ask yourself a few questions:

Do we always go to the place my friend prefers or always go to the places I prefer?
Does my friend use humor to put me down or do I do likewise?
Does my friend seem to enjoy correcting factual errors in conversations? Do I?
Do I always seem to seem weak or "poor me" to a friend or does my friend do this to me?
Do I need my friend enough to be the clutching type or does she/he seem to be clutching at me?

The above are instances of manipulation that have no place in friendship.
According to Alan Loy McGinnis in his book The Friendship Factor, there are three types of manipulators:
• The manipulator who needs to be needed.
• The manipulator who wants to take charge.
• The manipulator who wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing weak.

Recognize anyone you know?

Friends Pay Attention (Attend) to Friends

Paying attention to someone in a conversation is called "attending." It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at the time. Attending includes:

Physical Presence :

Friendships are a building process. You and your friend gradually share interests, feelings, and goals. Much of this is done by being together physically. Your physical presence shows your friend that you care about him. It affirms that he is important to you.

Focusing :

Focusing means all of your physical and psychological attention is directed toward your friend during the entire conversation. Your body language is good. You are facing and slightly inclined toward your friend. Your facial expressions show interest.

Keep the focus on your friend. Relating similar personal experiences or offering solutions to problems takes focus away from your friend and places it on you. Even though you may feel you are offering empathy or sympathy in this manner, it may seem that you can turn any conversation around to you.
Looking

Remember to look with your eyes.
A classic example of looking with "your eyes" is a child coloring while her mother cleans the kitchen. The child finishes a picture and says, "Look at this one, Mommy."
The mother mumbles, ' "That's great," while continuing to chop vegetables.
Finally the child says, "Look now, Mommy. Look with your eyes."
Looking at another person shows that you are "there for her" during conversations. It requires a lot of eye contact.